Ben’s many methods of feeding

I have always wanted to breastfeed. To the young, none parent me, I thought although Breast may not be best, it was what a “real mother” would do. Before I anger people, please understand how much I want to go back in time and shake my young self.

It does NOT define a mother by the way she feeds her child. A mother is defined by the love she has for them and if that means formula feeds, breast feeding, tube feeding or even giving them liquidised gold then go ahead and do it! As long as the child gets the nutrients required then who gives a damned doodley.

Once me and hubby got the news that I was pregnant, I still maintained that I would breastfeed, however I think something kicked inside my head and I actually thought rationally that when I return to work he would need to be bottle fed, even if that was through expressing. We bought bottles and a steriliser ready for the eventuality.

Having spoken to a few mummy friends I listened to their feeding stories and realised that breastfeeding isn’t as straightforward as I thought. Some friends found it easy, others had tried but found it too painful, some had tongue tied children so it made breastfeeding more of a chore and a painful one at that. Or for one of my mummy friends, her milk didn’t come in quick enough therefore she had no choice but to formula feed.

Ben was born and as mentioned in My past post here… where he was rushed to NICU. There he was initially put on saline until my milk came in which luckily I think it did within 24 hours. I had a nurse who showed me how to express into tiny syringes so Ben could be tube fed and I thought getting 5mls was like the best thing ever. I was then easily getting 10mls and then I was introduced to Medela.

All I can say is WOW! The machine in the hospital was reminiscent of the old CD players you got in dance studios, just instead of banging out tunes, it would suck you dry. I didn’t even know nipples could stretch that far, but in days I was pumping out nearly 100ml’s (4oz) so I was ecstatic!

Two days into motherhood, the nurses asked me to try breastfeeding before all feeds with Ben, I was not successful as although he latched on, he didn’t stay on for long. They suspected he may have become lazy with regards to feeding however we got in trouble due to his appetite increasing faster than my milk could produce. Therefore I made the choice to allow the nurses to feed Ben formula if there were times were I was unable to feed him breastmilk.

Our struggles with breastfeeding continued as Ben still wasn’t latching on properly, well I lie as he was always latching on, he just didn’t seem to enjoy breastfeeding. The nurses told me that he was well enough to go home, however he was to establish feeding before they would allow this. I felt so pressured to breastfeed successfully as I wanted my baby home but he just wouldn’t feed properly.

Having watched Teen Mom, Kaitlyn had mentioned in a previous series about using nipple shields. I had received these from a fellow mummy at my baby shower and knew these would act as a barrier for pain but also if there was cracking.

Due to the ongoing issues with Ben staying on my boob, the nurses suggested using nipple shields so the next day I went into the NICU with my determined hat on and nipple shields in my hand. HALLELUJAH! He latched for more than a few sucks! He loved it! He couldn’t get enough!
I felt so emotional. The nurses told me that if he continued that day the way that feed had gone then they saw no reason why he couldn’t go home the next day! Wow the emotions rushing through my body was overwhelming!

Once we were home, Ben got into a routine of cluster feeding but every feed was for 40 minute at a time. So daytime it was ok, but at night feeding every two hours, meant that I only got an hours sleep by the time Ben went back to sleep. It was exhausting but so worth it as Ben started to place his hand on my chest and gazing into my eyes and I really started to feel like a mum.

Unfortunately the smooth ride of breastfeeding with the shields was not long lived. 5 days after Ben came home I had been diagnosed with an ear infection, but the medication I had been given was making me violently sick. This meant I wasn’t producing enough milk for Ben so an ambulance was called and after much back and forth (including puking into bowls whilst attempting to breastfeed), i was finally given tablets that didn’t make me sick so I started to build my milk flow up again and WHAM! Mastitis kicked in. My body was seriously breaking down, I was so unwell and now it was yet another something that was wrong with me!

The doctor suggested expressing between breastfeeding therefore I went out and bought Medela Single Pump. God, this was expensive, but oh so worth it! Having expressed we discovered the perks of bottle feeding. DADDY CAN HELP!!

My cow milking days were easier! I had the ability to share some of the hard work with someone which gave me a bit of a break. So we decided I would boob feed during the day but bottle feed at night so I got some more sleep!

From then on I got more sleep which gave my body a break and I then started to feel like I was finally getting over the labour and back to my normal self.

Unfortunately, due to the ear infection and mastitis mixed with two weeks of anti-biotics, my milk started to dry up. I went from anything up to 14oz’s down to 8oz’s and gradually going down overtime.

I felt awful, I felt like I was failing as my baby wasn’t even three months and already I couldn’t keep up with his growing appetite! So having mulled over the pros and cons both me and hubby decided that we would not be pressured into our health visitors suggestions of trying herbal tablets and other products to increase milk supply. I had already lived off of anti-biotics, I felt like crap, I still couldn’t shower properly due to stitches and all I wanted was a bath so enough was enough.

My favourite phrase I maintain throughout parenthood is “happy mummy, happy baby.” This therefore made the decision to combine feed a lot easier. We went out and picked up some Aptamil powder and started to make up some bottles.

As time went on I found that breast feeding was very time consuming, and for a hungry baby; to have to wait for me to put nipple shields on took too long for Ben and often got him upset which made feeding troublesome. I maintained expressing but breastfeeding slipped and before we knew it he was purely bottle fed.
This made so much more time for me once hubby came home from work as he could help with feeding and I could have “me” time! I started feeling brilliant as I felt like the time I had was being used for a more productive task as although I loved watching tele and snacking whilst boob feeding, I felt slightly lazy just sitting there for 40 minutes at a time so now with bottles it only took ten minutes and I could get on with housework.

Overtime Ben’s weight came piling on and his appetite increased however my milk supply wasn’t quick enough for his tummy! We made the decision to top up his intake with formula and ensured I continued to express but unfortunately my boobs just weren’t up to the job.
We managed to last for three months until I was only expressing 4oz a day. It frustrated me as I really wanted to continue giving Ben my milk but it wasn’t to be. I am not happy my milk didn’t sustain longer, but I think had I have had a better birth than I wouldn’t have been so drained physically and not need all the antibiotics that reduced my milk flow in the first place.
Having thought about feeding options for our next baby (if We decide on another) I think I will opt for formula from the get go. For someone like me who requires sleep to function the long nights with long cluster feeds nearly broke me. At least daddy can help out from the beginning and hopefully this will prevent me suffering PND again or at least it’s one less thing that gets me down!